Cooper D. Burtonburger
I hate blacks
Starring:THE THICCEY HIMSELF
Thiccie Cheese was a famous wrapper (not a rapper, keep that in mind). One day Thiccie was merrily wrapping a gift for his wife Thiccia. He made sure to use saran wrap, because it was the highest quality and most expensive wrap in the industry, and he knew Thiccia deserved the best. Little did he know that Swaggy Baggy Pants Joe was right outside, suffocating TO BE CONTINUED in some high quality short-term food preserving material. However, Thiccie saw the food preserving material and his chloroplasts began mocking the movements of a yellow-bellied sapsucker when listening to Sailaja Boy Tell ‘em. Thiccie knew what this feeling meant. He wanted to sacrifice the material to the god of sauteing mutton with fugu liver. He wobbled over to Joe and starting dancing the Kaduro while singing Iwfnh2oiwea9tu98q345y893qwyth89iwoeangbvjkzsbnfjewaubfiaehwi98que8943uwr893qu by Mr. Paradidlychickenmatybadieatmyeuthanizationcheesefudeyflabbergastspiceygutyewi, the 11th best song in the autonomous region of the armpit gland. When the song was over, Joe responded to this external stimuli by becoming his true form: a toast ranger. Joe the toast ranger and thiccie sat down to talk about delilahs for a few hours, when all of a sudden, a giant leg warmer burst through the wall, Kool-Aid man style, and started rambling about an unconstitutional infomercial for viagra. Side note: the leg warmer sexually identifies as an asbestos ceiling tile. He was about to beat them up, but suddenly had to go to a psychiatrist to help battle his addiction with Thousand Island Dressing. After this rude interruption, Joe the toast ranger and Thiccie decided that the time was right to invade the bumbleant hive. They infiltrated through the aperture, being sure to have a flambeaux nearby at all times as they explored the catacombs. But suddenly, Zardoz spoke to them through his chosen one, the Orange Peanut! The Orange Peanut told them that in order to truly find inner peace, they would have to do the tchouky. So Joe the toast ranger and Thiccie stood in the bumbleant hive clapping their hands and doing the tchouky when BAM! A chicken nugget comes out of nowhere and punctures Joe’s cornea! “This is the end for me…” Joe told Thiccie in his dying breaths. “Meatloaf,” Thiccie said as he ate Joe. Rejuvenated and full of energy, Thiccie continued his quest to free the world from the rule of the Demon Caminars, who were led by the president of Gwanzy, Toota Ventergle. On his way, Thiccie befriended a slice of pizza who wasn’t actually alive, but thiccie was high on 2% milk, so he couldn’t tell. Thiccies BML (Blood Milkohol Level) was at 3.4, so it was pretty bad. When thiccie later got ahold of his rambunctious self, he came across Queen Care Bear Grylls. She wa down on the rough dirt road and started to talk. Queen Grylls mentioned that she used to work for the EBPWHVAP, or the Egyptian Bald People Who Have a Vendetta Against Pirates. After their wonderful conversation on the properties of pickle juice that makes pickles’ membranes semi-permeable, they wandered off towards San Fransokyo when all of a sudden they realized they had giant cheese doodle in their pants. As soon as they pulled it out, the doodle morphed into an oversized baguette, and they started stabbing each other, hamlet style. Thiccie accidentally hit Queen Grylls in the left ventricle, and the Queen morphed into her true form: Georgie the wall, floor tile, sasquatch, narwhal, penguin whale insectopod with baguettes for arms. With baguette arms, its armpit glands were not as efficient in perspiration as they usually are. It created more of a calcium hydronic compound. Turns out, the Queen was pretty darn evil, and she called in her ally, the tacO kIng of lemon meringue. It would’ve been OK, if it wasn’t for the fact that he had multiple highly pressurised cans of taffy shooting out of his nostrils every other second. But of course Thiccie just used his secret weapon: the hesh tilt. After tacO and Queen Georgie witnessed this terrible sight, they started to melt into gasohol. “Hey, I can use this stuff to make a wrapping machine,” said Thiccie. So off yonder wandered Thiccie, yodeling his yummy self to his house. Suddenly, when he thought all of his troubles were over, the legendary Smokedharsh descended from the heavens. Equipped with veggie straw cannons and cups full of chick-fil-a sauce packets for teeth, (It’s very attractive, especially 15 minutes into Adharsh and chill, when he gives you his look) the beautiful god blessed Thiccie with a healthy pregnancy cycle, and placed a baby cheese quesadilla inside of his stomach. Thankfully, this quesadilla was immortal and did not suffer any damage from the acids. There was one catch though- his outer crust had turned into one large tumor. Within 3 minutes, Thiccie looked like a large limeade soda with purple rubber crocs on his ears. This unfortunate series of events led to the writing of a book based on this, called Wednesday Wars. The quesadilla was Jeffrey Alper, in case you were wondering. So when Jeffrey Alper came out, Thiccie poured some spicy hot vinegar on him, just to spice things up a bit. Jeffrey didn’t really appreciate this, because vinegar triggered his flashbacks of the Anglo-Zanzibar War. After violently flailing his arms for a short period of time, Jeffrey recovered and decided to fight Thiccie for causing him so much pain. The fight between Thiccie and Jeffrey commenced, and Thiccie summoned Danny Wallace to help him in this epic rap battle of history. The two began the rap battle, but as mentioned before, Thiccie is not a rapper, and Danny Wallace just stood there making his own constitution. Pretty soon Jeffrey emerged victorious, by rapping this: “
There was a headstrong guy who was named Charlie B.
who was a local inhabitant of news ABC.
He was very smug and very mean,
he made people numb by hitting their spleen.
Charlie B. was a ravenous man,
so he went to an eerie restaurant where everything was canned.
He didn’t have any money so that was his setback,
so he went to a Fidelity bank and made a withdrawal that he put in a backpack.
On his way back, he tarried at a store,
and when he left, he didn’t have his money with him anymore!
He saw the criminal and they engaged in a fray.
The criminal refuted all his charges to the cops,
and he was let away at bay.
Poor Charlie B. blustered at the cops,
but he was sent to the slammer for showing no remorse for hitting the criminal in the head with a banner.
After thinking a lot and for a duration of time,
Charlie B. went up to the judge to refute his crime.
Charlie B. gave a synopsis of what had happened at the store,
with lots of acute details and much much more!
The judge thought for a while and said,
“Oh how we bungled at finding the real criminal instead!”
The cops went back and caught the criminal that had robbed Charlie B.,and the criminal/robber went to jail where he would never be free.
Ben Mangold’s part: At the end Charlie B. was out of jail and happy,
and he went back to that eerie restaurant to buy himself some taffy!
Taffy in a can, T-T-Taffy In a can!!!!!
So, for his prize he enslaved Danny Wallace and Thiccie and forced them to mine coltan in Saudi Adeethia. But they were actually fine with this, because they were a part of Ethan’s Oovoo Squad. Now, for Jeffrey, Oovoo is an extremely sore and uncomfortable topic for Jeffrey because for Jeffrey, Ethan is annoying to Jeffrey. Sometimes he cries at night to his mommy about the little jew that cried weeb. This one time Jeffrey was soooooo mad, like totes McGoats Cra-Cra, that he over toasted his cheetos. But, that is extremely relevant, so let’s completely ignore it = ). Anyway, Jeffrey used his won slaves to create a Machina Tempora , or a time machine in latin. Jefferey used this Machina Tempora to travel back in time to the good old days when he only a one-celled boy (aside from that fact that he was a one-celled tumor quesadilla). He traveled back in time all the way to 2905. He decided to go to the movie theater and watch the Rat Movie 2: The Movie. However, the movie theater wasn’t there. It was replaced by an all glass building with over 100 floors and was pretty thick. (Area of 290,392 square feet) There were people in white lab coats walking around while holding documents that said, “Analysis-Recent PF-38289 data results. Do not open.” The one-celled boy turned into Michael from his favorite Rat Movie and using his magical luncheon loaf thiccster powers given to him by his godly father, Thicczeus, summoned a 10 foot tall glowing Timmy Thicc holding a 4 foot long glowing DBQ packet asking, “Is Julius Garden Salad the Great Asparagus Critic or Just Another Colonel Sanders Impersonator?” Michael said, “Timmy Thicc, I order you to……..get me some cane toad frittata with a dab of vinaigrette and a side of Iphone 12 sauce with a portable charger straw infused with stinky toe fruit puree. Make the cane toads way over well done, I need to get some fresh carcinogens.” Timmy Thicc replied in a voice that sounded like frying oil dancing to Oceanman while playing Turkish March with an orange non-stick succing pan while banging it against an alabaster trash can, “WEITHOENWKLNKLWQIHGOHIGIEOWHOISASIUOIEUWOHIEWHO!” It translates to “Okay!” in Chinenishjapanesihilioreandonesianigeriaguesegolagnese. The Timmy Thicc then walked over to a Magdonal and insisted on kicking over the sign and stuffing it up his appendix. HE then walked over to a random girl and said, ¨Baby you are like my appendix: I dont know what it is you do, but I am going to take you out.” Suddenly, a burst of hot thicc dicc rushed up the street, knocking over his to-be-gay-girlfriend who acted like a soupy cantelope and Timmy Thicc himself. He then screamed, “This is all your fault, Cheese Quesadilla,” and spontaneously started to dance like his favorite actor, the Toenail fungus in the Jublia commercial. Later, he ate a poor spectator holding up his analysis tips by Mr. Foster. You could see the teeth of the thicc dicc grinding those osteoclasts and osteoblasts. The thicc dicc then started dancing to Marc Anthony and said, “Eat my saran wrap, eat my Buchananananananananananananananananan.” After that, he said an over-excessive amount of chemistry jokes, such as, “Yesterday I spilled some alkaline. It was the first time I dropped the bass” and ¨Two men walk into a bar: The first one says ‘I’ll have some H2O.’ The second one says ‘I’ll have some H2O, too¨ The second one dies.” A squid wearing Dexters came into his 9309309583098th form and exclaimed, “Oh, my colloids are touching me in exasperating ways! UHH!” The thicc dicc then died in a hole. A golden knight called Garov came to the newly dead thicc dicc. He used 123981409182509850923845098240968293064809423 sticks of cream cheese and 2% pulp applesauce cake.
- Coop is a talented magician.
- Coop can use Kat's inventions very well.
- Coop knows how to play on drums. (Flea Brains and Stall That Jazz)
Coop gets hurt frequently when he fights Kat, but the damage heals faster than humans normally would. Examples include:
- Beware The Were-Coop has Kat's exploding moonbeam-sucking machine give Coop pink-eye in his left cornea and lose the blue in his eyes. The pink rapidly goes away and his color returns soon after.
- he is also holding his entire head of hair in his left hand, but he is able to re-attach it
- alternatively this may mean he is bald and has taken to wearing a wig
- later in the episode he has black and pink scars on his face, answering affirmatively when Dennis asks if Kat had bit or scratched him. These marks are gone the following morning after a single night's sleep
- Dennis throws a branch of pussy-willow in through Coop's left nostril and it emerges from his left ear, yet there is no indication of sustained damage to his nasopharynx or Eustachian tube after he sneezes and it breaks into 2 pieces falling out of him
- he is also holding his entire head of hair in his left hand, but he is able to re-attach it
- 9 to 5 to Oblivion right after he throws Kat off the tower, he is scratched as Kat spreads his skin-flaps to fly back to the top as he says -he we go again- but is unmarked immediately after as he says -back off Kat! I have a toe jam collector-
- In Strange Kat on a Train an explosion blows him through a roof high above the town and he falls so hard on the lawn that it creates a crater, he not only survives, but is almost immediately able to climb out
- this explosion was able to shatter the (presumably metal) handle of Burt's bottle-capper
- In Me Coop, You Kat after Kat splices Coop with a cave-man, Coop eats a pepperoni pizza and the box it's in and a bomb (including of 3 sticks of dynamite) that Kat taped to the bottom. It explodes causing smoke to come out of his ears and Coop only laughs and exclaims "more!" before gnawing on a tree stump.
- He is later able to bite off a chunk of Dennis' camera without visibly damaging his teeth
- He weathers a second explosion from a bomb Kat hid under a stump-drum which he said "tickles"
- Kat launched a boulder larger than Coop which fell on him. Coop is able to stand up soon after (though this left some face-marks) lifting the boulder with his head, and it cracks into pieces. This managed to get him to say "ow".
- In Fangs for the Memories Dennis pulls Coop's left eyelid up hard enough to stretch higher than the top of Coops hair, yet there is no apparent injury.
- In Birthday Bashed when Phoebe ties a bunch of balloons to his left wrist, he spends a period of time dangling by one arm. It supports not only his weight (1 second), but also that of:
- Fiona (who grabs him by the ankles) for another second
- Phoebe (who grabs Fiona around the waist) for another 7 seconds
- Harley who grabs Phoebe's with his right arm)
- Lorne (who links left hands with his brother)
- Dennis (who holds Lorne's left ankle with his left hand)
- a mesh bag holding 6 helmets (which Dennis wisely grabs, anticipating danger)
- There is a scene but before and after the 5-second segment when the entire group is dangling from Coop so the total time he bore all this weight is not known. It was probably longer than the on-screen portions because:
- it was long enough to travel to a mountain range Kat was at, where the bowling alley was out of sight and the horizontal speed they were floating at was not great
- they were able to put on the helmets that Dennis brought
- During the second visible portion they are shown dangling about 7 seconds before Lorne suggests they get rid of things they don't need and begins throwing food out of his pockets.
- During an angle change after Dennis kicks Kat off the mountain, Lorne switches from holding Harl's left with his left to Lorne using his right hand to hold Harl's left.
- When Coop comments about bailing gear only useful on a sinking boat (wrong, having less weight pulling your grip is good too) Harl does a 180: Lorne is still holding with his right but now he's holding Harl's right and Harl is using his left hand to hold Phoebe's ankle.
Kat to the Future Part 2 is an exception where future-Coop's damage remains and helps with telling him apart from the unmarked past version of himself.
- In The Kat Went Back Part 1 when Dennis hits him in the head with a metal-spaded shovel, instead of caving in Coop's skull, the shovel deforms to take on the silhouette of his head. As this includes his hair, he may use strong hair spray in addition to having a strong skeleton.
A season 1 episode refers to him and Dennis as two 10-year-olds but they may have aged a year or two in the course of the series.
In 9 to 5 to Oblivion Burt finds a good citizenship award that Coop won in 3rd grade, when he was probably around 8.
He has blue eyes with black eyebrows that somehow manage to rise overtop of his hair, which is short in the back but has some poofy height to it. Dennis once lamented that Coop's hair is the only reason he is the taller of them.
His favourite outfit is a red orange-striped shirt and blue pants
For bed he wears a blue set of pajamas. He has also been seen wearing a purple robe and white slippers.
He is the only, member of the Burtonberger family not depicted wearing glasses (unless Kat counts)
Coop likes to spend his free time with his skateboard. He is also into skateboarding, soccer, and just hanging out with his friends (particularly Dennis, Lorne, Harley and Fiona ). All of this changes when he is then forced to try to defend the Earth from Kat's schemes.
Coop attends school with his friend Dennis and is a capable student with grades that tend to both rise and fall depending on situations at home. He does try to study and finish his homework quickly due to having to fend off Kat and avoid getting into trouble.
Coop's life at home usually involves a confrontation with Millie or Mr. Kat. This lead to the construction of a Tree-Fort in the backyard, in order for Coop to put some distance between them. Though there are times where everyone can appear to get along, such moments of peace are typically short lived.
Family and Friends
Coop and Burt get along very well, as they have a strong relationship based on similar interests and Burt's own understanding of what life as an 11 year old boy is like. Coop is shown to care deeply for his dad and has followed his directions almost every time.
- "You know what they say, keep your friends close, your enemies closer and your little sisters even closer then that." - Coop
Coop's younger sister Millie regards her brother as somewhat of a nuisance, blaming him for anything and everything she can. While there are moments the two siblings can get along, they are few and far between. Milie thinks that Kat is the important part of the family due to the fact Kat is supposed to be cared by the whole family.
Coop's best friend Dennis is one of his few allies against the combined forces of Kat, Millie and Old Lady Munson. Like Coop, Dennis also knows Kat's true identity, and together he and Coop try their best to foil the alien's "evil schemes".
Since they were young, Coop and Dennis have done everything together. They enjoy the same hobbies and interests and are both big fans of Captain Blasteroid.
Coop has had a crush on Fiona since they first met, and it seems that she has a crush on him as well, seeing as she admits her like for Coop in Kat of Diamonds.
" This could mean only one thing. We're going to visit weird Aunt Beatrix!" -CoopCoop probably does not like Aunt Beatrix. Her trailer creeps him out, she seems a bit odd to him and, based on his reactions, he seems to have been at her place a lot.
- "I don't believe it, a talking kat..., and she's Russian!?" -Coop
Coop dosen't like Kat's Girlfriend that much because he doesn't trust her. She also dislikes him for constantly foiling their plans, and for subsequently almost getting Kat sent to the litter mines, but she was still more willing to work together with him than Kat was during The Kat Went Back 2.
- "We all have to make sacrifices to rid the World of evil...Kat evil!" - Coop Burtonburger
Kat has cemented his place in the Burtonburgers Household whether Coop likes it or not. Although sometimes seems that they get along, they still sometimes fight. Coop believes Kat to be pure evil and is desperate for a way to prove both Kat's trudevious intentions. Coop is shown to be able to match up to Kat in a fist fight, first shown in The Allergy despite Kat abilities. Coop also seem to sometime care about Kat, like in Pet Peeved, Kid Vs Kat Vs Christmas Part 1 / Kid Vs Kat Vs Christmas Part 2 and Strange Kat on a Train and he liked how Kat purred and cuddled (even going as far as hugging Kat) around him for saving him from Mr.Cheeks in Turn the Other Cheeks. It is also shown that he enjoy fighting with Kat and is able to work really well with him and they think alike when they team up, like in Just Me and Glue, they both lifted the couch cushion to block the robot fist, and Tickled Pink when they both threw that hunk of metal to save Dennis. It is also shown in Fangs for the Memories that if Coop didn't know that Kat is an alien, he would think that he is cute and they would get along.
- Coop teamed up with Kat 8 times.
- Coop has actually helped/saved Kat a total of 3 times.
Nicknames for Kat
Throughout the series, Coop can be heard referring to Kat by many different names, usually out of spite or disrespect. It is also uncommon to hear a name used more than once, as Coop appears to think them up on the spot.
- Litter box reject
- Creepy cat
- Folically-challenged ferret
- Fuzzless freak
- Rodent reject
- Souless feline boogey-cat
- Bug eyed, hairless creep a'zoid
- Shaved skunk
- Overgrown Salamander -Lorne and Harley
- Katastrophe - Burt Burtonburger.
- The purple plague
- Purple freak
- Lousy cat - Kat bot
- Purple couch potato
- Hairless freak
- Fish Breath
- The evil purple one- Fiona
- Litter Brain
- Mutant Mole
- Whiskerless weeinie
- "Old Lady...er...I mean Mrs. Munson!" - Coop
Old Lady Munson is Coop's enemy, because she always punishes him by making him do backyard chores in her garden, but she treats Millie nicely and is also Burt's enemy.
- "Gahhh, Phoebe!" - Coop
Phoebe is one of Coops biggest frienemy, since she always is sneaking up on Coop and tries to be his girlfriend. She is also a rival of Millie (sometimes) and Fiona. Coop appears to be scared of her.
- "Dustin! Grrr!" - Coop
Coop does not like Kyle Dustin because he flirts with Fiona in the episode "Board Kat".
Coop became enemies with Animal Protection Officer Buck Diamond in the episode "Bootsville's Most Wanted".
Galleries by episode
|Episode 1||Episode 2||Episode 3||Episode 4|
|Episode 5||Episode 6||Episode 7||Episode 8|
|Episode 9||Episode 10||Episode 11||Episode 12|
|Episode 13||Episode 14||Episode 15||Episode 16|
|Episode 17||Episode 18||Episode 19||Episode 20|
|Episode 21||Episode 22||Episode 23||Episode 24|
|Episode 25||Episode 26||Episode 27||Episode 28|
|Episode 29||Episode 30||Episode 31||Episode 32|
|Episode 33||Episode 34||Episode 35||Episode 36|
|Episode 37||Episode 38||Episode 39||Episode 40|
|Episode 41||Episode 42||Episode 43||Episode 44|
|Episode 45||Episode 46||Episode 47||Episode 48|
|Episode 49||Episode 50||Episode 51||Episode 52|
|Shorts Season 1||Shorts Season 2|
- Coop and his hero Captain Blastroid have the same initials (C.B).
- Coop's full name is Cooper Davies Burtonburger. Rob said that Coop's first and middle name came from his favorite singers. Source of quote from Rob is needed.
- Coop is the favorite character of Rob Boutilier, the creator of Kid Vs Kat.
- Despite the many hardships with Kat, he sometimes (rarely) cares for Kat, and would actually think Kat was a cute little kitty if he didn't know Kat was really an alien. (Fangs for the Memories).
- Coop is wanted on Kat Nebula.
- Coop Burtonburger and his friendship for Dennis Chan is similar to Bart Simpson and his friendship for Milhouse Van Houten in the animated series The Simpsons.